But so is God.
That’s something I should remind myself regularly, every day even. Because when I start to rely on myself, when I start to think about what I should do, on my own, when I think about the things I can’t do and how miserable it is, I start to leave God out of this. But when I am reminded that He can do all things, even things I can’t imagine for myself, everything is literally carefree.
I cry because of stress. I cried last month because of stress. I cried last night because I wasn’t able to get any work done. And now, I’m drained. I met some friends at a coffee shop to study, had my second cup of overpriced coffee which drained my allowance for this week, but nothing has worked. So now, these few minutes are spent throwing some time up in the air. I just consoled myself with the fact that I met my friends, whom I miss very badly, so, no regrets.
But I also missed God. I barely had time with Him this week. By the end of the day, I’m too drained and sleepy to spend a few minutes with Him, I end up crashing. I’ve been awoken a few minutes before my alarm time a few times this week, and the first thing which came to mind was to talk to God, but I chose to sleep it off instead. And now, I’m a disaster. It’s true – I really am lost without Him.
But my relationship with Him was the best thing that ever happened to me. To be honest, I’d rather let go of everything than let go of Him. It’s been a habit running to Him whenever stress or disasters happen, even though my feelings are not exactly at par with His commands. Even though I feel sad, angry, or stressed, I can run to Him. I cried last night because of stress, confusion, and exhaustion, and even though it was late at night, I couldn’t sleep. I listened to songs about Him, and I found myself resting in His presence. I just have to remind myself of why I’m doing this, and Who brought me here. I should always tell myself that I can’t do this on my own. He will see me through.