I was the receiving end of a OB-GYN resident’s wrath. Okay, I’m over-reacting. But this is just one of the days when you think nothing could go wrong, because you’re pre-duty, and it’s supposed to be a benign day… but you end up having to carry your groupmates’ burden of endorsing a patient and becoming the receiving end of, well, that.
I have been warned. You think you’re okay, you think you’ve done enough, but your good-enough will never be good enough. I get it. I just have to sleep it off. If there’s something I’m proud of about myself, it’s that I have learned to control my tears now. I can tell myself not to cry about things, and I will not cry about things. This just made me feel like crap. It’s like a bad menstrual cramp.
OB-GYN is really fun to study, but the environment is toxic, both work-related and emotionally, so it’s a huge turn-off. I don’t know if I should consider it as a specialization even though it is fun, because it would mean I’d have to go through four years of hell during residency. I just realized surgical fields could be fun, too. Except, I always think about my future family, my future husband and three kids. There are a lot of moments, now that I’m in my clinical rotations, that I thank God my mom isn’t a doctor. I thank God my mom was a housewife. She just really started working when my dad died, which is kinda late for her, because middle-aged women are now enjoying things mom could only dream of. It sucks even more, because she has Facebook, and her other friends have Facebook. But to be honest, I’m thankful for the time she spent with us when we were kids. I don’t mind being generally broke most of the time if it means quality time.
So yes, my train of thought just deviated. I think I’m just gonna eat up all this sadness. Tomorrow’s a Sunday, and duty in a surgical field like OB-GYN on Sundays is usually benign. I’m expecting a lot of downtime tomorrow.